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Continuing to Move On…………

The 9th of this month will be month number 7 since the breakup.  I have to admit, I was not doing very good for a while there.  After this man had been such an utter dick to not only me but also my family and friends, I truly thought him being out of my life would be easy.

It was NOT.

I missed him; I missed having someone snuggle me; I missed having someone to talk to; I missed having someone who COULD do the “boy” stuff around the house.


After some thought and repeated (self-induced) heartache, I realized that I didn’t miss him – I missed who I wanted him to be.  I wanted him to be my soulmate, my other half, my love.  Instead, he was a tyrant who was constantly angry about something and giving both me and my kids a hard time.  I may have loved him but his actions didn’t show that he loved me.

Of course further fueling the hurt was the fact that he moved back in with his wife (no – they never divorced; yes….I KNOW).  Although he continued to insist that he was just sleeping on the couch, the social media connections his sister, niece and sister-in-law are now making with his wife, indicate something completely different.  And it feels like a betrayal – these same people insisted that she was lazy, a horrible cook (IF she cooked), a drug addict and basically didn’t care at all about family or her husband.

And now they’re buddies…………..

HIS FAMILY said these things about her – as did he.  So the question is, were they simply repeating what he told them?  I now believe so.  God knows what he’s telling them about me.

Sitting around being sad about a man who clearly could toss me aside doesn’t change that THAT is the exact thing he did.   He didn’t want to work on the relationship.   It doesn’t change that he used me.  It doesn’t change that my children HATE him.  It doesn’t change him.

It changes absofreakinlutely nothing. NOTHING.

And I think on some level he knows I’m suffering and enjoys that.  It makes him feel important. And that pisses me off.

In an effort to attempt to heal I found a quote that has significantly helped:  “Suffering changes nothing”.

When I start to think about him or them, I repeat it to myself. Nine times out of ten, it’s all I need.  The times it doesn’t work, I ride it out and tell myself I’ll worry about it tomorrow.  Usually by “tomorrow” it’s history.

In the meantime, I’m enjoying my family, my friends and my puppies.  It IS getting easier each day.  I just wish it weren’t taking so damn long!

 

Peace & love!!

 

 

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Healing

 

 

In an attempt to fill the void I have from the breakup – you can read about the breakup here:  http://daphnes-delights.com/2016/03/16/the-breakup/, I decided to make a few additional changes in my world.

So, I began with my home.  When we moved in together a lot of the decor was influenced by my ex.  I tried desperately to NOT make anything too girly (because he continuously complained that his ex-wife always did).

The master bedroom – what it was:  Paint – tan; lamp shades – maroon; bedding – maroon/print – somewhat masculine.

The master bedroom – what it is now:  The paint is the same but I’ve changed all of the bedding.  It’s now soft creams and greys with accents of a light pink.  I’ve included big, fluffy throw pillows with crocheted edging and one sparkly, beaded throw pillow just for fun.

The bedding I purchased was very similar to this Grey Comforter Set.  The throw pillows I bought are to die for – comfy and adorable.  Here are a selection of throw pillows to chose from pink throw pillows.  Now I need to find some girly lamp shades.  I’ve hung up some new artwork, put my craft supplies in his closet so I have easy access to them, and bought myself a soft fluffy blanket to snuggle up with.

I also rearranged my bedroom so it is NOTHING like it was when he lived with me.  I am attempting to wipe the slate clean!

I’ve also been spending a lot more time with my kids and grandkids.  The blessing in all of the heart break has truly been this time with them.  He never liked the kids to be around.  Now, I see them once or twice a week (the ones who don’t live with me).  We have dinner together, go shopping, go to the movies.  It is simply fabulous.

Another void filler is time with my friends because (you guessed it), he didn’t like them to be around either.  I’m able to go to girls night dinners, get pedicures, attend Sip & Paint events, even  *gasp*  have girls nights at my house……which previously was completely frowned upon.

I have even spent a couple of afternoons lying in my hammock.

I wish I could tell you that I’ve had time to read a good book but I haven’t.  I’ve been on the go pretty consistently.  I’m hoping that this winter I’ll be able to get a few good ones read.

Now, even with all these changes and void fillers I still have moments where I’m sad and feel lonely – almost 5 months later.  BUT it IS getting better and when I have those moments I try to remind myself that its only momentary.  And it ALWAYS is.

At the end of the day, my life is much, much better without him.  It’s just the initial change that made it difficult.  Every day it gets a little bit easier.  And I’m sure it will continue.

I’m planning a weekend getaway for me and ALL of the kids this fall.  My heart is filled with absolute joy knowing that they want to spend this time with me.

I am blessed.

Peace and Love to all of you, my friends.