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Healing

 

 

In an attempt to fill the void I have from the breakup – you can read about the breakup here:  http://daphnes-delights.com/2016/03/16/the-breakup/, I decided to make a few additional changes in my world.

So, I began with my home.  When we moved in together a lot of the decor was influenced by my ex.  I tried desperately to NOT make anything too girly (because he continuously complained that his ex-wife always did).

The master bedroom – what it was:  Paint – tan; lamp shades – maroon; bedding – maroon/print – somewhat masculine.

The master bedroom – what it is now:  The paint is the same but I’ve changed all of the bedding.  It’s now soft creams and greys with accents of a light pink.  I’ve included big, fluffy throw pillows with crocheted edging and one sparkly, beaded throw pillow just for fun.

The bedding I purchased was very similar to this Grey Comforter Set.  The throw pillows I bought are to die for – comfy and adorable.  Here are a selection of throw pillows to chose from pink throw pillows.  Now I need to find some girly lamp shades.  I’ve hung up some new artwork, put my craft supplies in his closet so I have easy access to them, and bought myself a soft fluffy blanket to snuggle up with.

I also rearranged my bedroom so it is NOTHING like it was when he lived with me.  I am attempting to wipe the slate clean!

I’ve also been spending a lot more time with my kids and grandkids.  The blessing in all of the heart break has truly been this time with them.  He never liked the kids to be around.  Now, I see them once or twice a week (the ones who don’t live with me).  We have dinner together, go shopping, go to the movies.  It is simply fabulous.

Another void filler is time with my friends because (you guessed it), he didn’t like them to be around either.  I’m able to go to girls night dinners, get pedicures, attend Sip & Paint events, even  *gasp*  have girls nights at my house……which previously was completely frowned upon.

I have even spent a couple of afternoons lying in my hammock.

I wish I could tell you that I’ve had time to read a good book but I haven’t.  I’ve been on the go pretty consistently.  I’m hoping that this winter I’ll be able to get a few good ones read.

Now, even with all these changes and void fillers I still have moments where I’m sad and feel lonely – almost 5 months later.  BUT it IS getting better and when I have those moments I try to remind myself that its only momentary.  And it ALWAYS is.

At the end of the day, my life is much, much better without him.  It’s just the initial change that made it difficult.  Every day it gets a little bit easier.  And I’m sure it will continue.

I’m planning a weekend getaway for me and ALL of the kids this fall.  My heart is filled with absolute joy knowing that they want to spend this time with me.

I am blessed.

Peace and Love to all of you, my friends.

 

 

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Penis Lull

 

 

Although I’m pretty sure “Penis Lull” isn’t a legitimate term or diagnosis, the struggle IS real.

The term sprouted while I was at dinner a few months ago with some friends (a few of us single).  One of my friends said “I’m soooo in a penis lull”.  It is what we have loosely dubbed our current attitude toward the opposite sex.

Penis lull is that kind of “meh” about getting out and dating, coupled with the inability to completely let go of our ex.  While we don’t want the ex’s back and can CLEARLY recite each of their character flaws (i.e. why they’re idiots), we’ve hit an exaggerated dip in the healing process – a lull – and can’t seem to move forward.

Hence, “penis lull”.

On the other side of the coin, a close friend of mine left her husband (of 3 short years) AFTER I broke up with my boyfriend and she already has a new man in her life.  SHE is not in a penis lull.  She hopped right over the dip and jumped back in (and on).

Her breakup was just as, if not more difficult than mine was. So how did she avoid the lull?  Is it simply that she has a stronger self worth than I do?  Does she subscribe to “in order to get over someone, you need to get under someone”?  I personally do not subscribe to that thinking by the way.

I saw her recently and told her that I was still in contact with my ex.  Her response “Do you want me to throat punch you?”  (did I mention she’s a little aggressive?!).

Is her aggressive nature what is keeping her out of the lull?

That could be it!

She is of the mindset that she is not going to let any man bring her down – it is simply NOT going to happen.  So she cut her losses and moved on.  She didn’t lolly gag around and feel sorry for herself.

I want to be able to cut my losses and move on.  I’m not enjoying the penis lull.  It’s horrible.  I have no desire what-so-ever to date.  NONE……..penis lull.

But beyond that, I want to be able to completely let go of the ex.  I want to move on and be ok, really ok, being single.

So what do you do when you think you’re in a penis lull?

Right now, I’m spending as much time as I can with my friends – girl time – delighting in the fact that I can.  I’ve also done a bit of redecorating, crafting, reading, clothes shopping – really enjoying myself.

Is it helping?   Meh………..

😉

Peace & love!

 

 

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Moving On from a Breakup

 

 

So how long does this process take exactly?  When will he no longer be at the forefront of my thoughts and dreams?  I hate it. I simply HATE it.

I want someone to give me the exact steps that need to be taken to feel better and the exact date that it will happen.  And I want proof.  I want someone to tell me that in two months if you do x, y and z, you won’t even recall that you were in a relationship with that loser.

Don’t get me wrong, I have good days.  Days when I can focus on work, school and my family.  Days when I’m thankful and happy.  Days when I know this was for the best.

And then there are other days when I can still physically feel the pain of my heart break.  Days that I want to crawl under the covers and hide.  Days where I want to call him and beg him to love me again.

Of course the reason we aren’t together is still very clear in my mind.  But somehow, I keep getting stuck on the fact that had he truly loved me, there wouldn’t have been an issue to begin with.

I want to feel his touch, his lips on mine, the warmth of his body next to me.  And then sometimes, I just want to punch him.

It’s all soooo conflicting.