Happy New Year!!!
Oh how I’ve missed you all!! How have you been?
It’s been a crazy few months between finishing up my fall classes, the holidays and having the ex F.I.N.A.L.L.Y. get the rest of his shit out of my barn. The last particular event – yes, it was an event – is what ultimately has set me free from the ex.
Unfortunately, it involved the police.
That came as a surprise to me but it really shouldn’t have. Despite his claims to the contrary, he LOVES drama. It is what drives him. He gets a high from it. Positive or negative. He has been an adrenaline junkie from the time he was a toddler (his mother confirmed that).
So prior to coming to get the remainder of his things, he went to the sheriff’s department to let them know there could be a potential issue.
ANNNDDDD there was…………..
The man still owes me some money – not a lot – but a few hundred dolalrs that we agreed to out of the thousands he actually owes me. After loading all of his stuff (2 trucks and 1 trailer worth), handing me the registration to my trailer and a pair of my underwear (gag me), he informed me he didn’t intend to pay me. His exact words were “I said I HAVE the money. I didn’t say I was giving it to you”.
At that point, I said “fine, I’m calling the police”. He took out his phone and called them himself.
Keep in mind, he couldn’t call and say “she’s demanding I pay her the money I owe her”. Nope – instead, to get them to come, he told them I hit him (which I did NOT – hindsite though, I wish I had).
So he and I are in the middle of my driveway (my poor neighbors), he’s on the phone with the police, screaming “AHHHHH, she’s hitting me” (still not hitting him). At some point I hand off the registration and underwear to my son-in-law (totally not thinking) and he hands them off to my daughter. I’m following him around saying “hang up that God damn phone”. Then his 27 year old son steps between us and says to me “You really need to stop. You know this won’t end well”.
REALLY???? Stop what? Stop challenging him? Stop trying to get him to be an adult for once?
And how dear boy do you think it WILL end?
He was insinuating that his father would hit me.
So I walked away.
Ten minutes later, I have a police officer questioning me, my son-in-law and one of my friends about the incident. Now, all three of them (the ex, his son and his son’s friend) are claiming I hit him. Idiots.
Once the police officer realized what was really going on, she left to go talk to the ex. Her partner was with them while she was with us.
The absolute rage that I felt is indescribable. I have always taught my children to say that they strongly dislike something rather than using the word hate.
This is how narcissists roll – they thrive on the drama, the intensity and trying to make everyone think you are the bad guy. I can only imagine what he’s told his family and friends.
That night, I felt true hate probably for the first time in my life. It was almost as bad as sorrow. I felt that way for a couple of weeks. It finally changed to resolution.
I honestly now believe that it had to end the way it did. As painful and frustrating as it was, I needed that ending and to feel that rage to move on – to close, lock, duct tape, nail and glue that door shut.
The thought of EVER reopening that door, makes me ill. When I’ve verbalized that to my friends and family, every one of them has sighed with relief.
It’s now been 10 months since he moved out. I feel like I’m on my way to being whole again, maybe more so than ever before. Note I said “on my way”. It’s a daily work in progress.
I find myself wondering how I ever allowed myself to stay in that toxic relationship for so long. Sigh…. I guess the truly important thing is to never let it happen again.
Which brings me to the question, HOW do you begin to trust yourself again?
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend filled with love and laughter!
Peace & love!!!