How do you know if someone is your soulmate or if you even have a soulmate? Do you need your soulmate actively in your life or do they just pass through, teaching you a few things along the way? Can your soulmate be your spouse, friend, parent, sibling or child?
Most importantly, where do I find the answers to these nagging questions??
Let’s start with this: What is a soulmate?
SOULMATE: noun – a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.
I think each persons definition of “soulmate” is different and unique to their situation. I believe I have had several different soulmates so far in my life.
The idea of finding your soulmate has been completely romanticized though. While I believe you do have certain people who you click with, I don’t believe there is just one person for each of us. I’m not talking about marriage or intimate relationships.
What I believe is that different people mesh with you in different ways throughout different phases of your life. My close friends each bring a different kind of peace to my life. One is the quintesential mom, one is the “therapist” (partly because that’s her profession), one is the realist, one I can have intellectual conversations with and one I can be my goofiest self with and a couple of them are all those things combined.
One particular soulmate was my last boyfriend. We brought out the absolute best and the absolute worst in each other. He both touched my soul and pushed my buttons.
Elizabeth Gilbert author of Eat, Pray Love defines a soulmate this way:
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”
If you haven’t read Eat Pray Love, you really, really should. It’s an absolutely fabulous book about Elizabeth’s journey to find herself. Sometimes we need to hear someone elses story before we can find the strength to look for our own.
I believe this was my ex-boyfriends purpose in my life. The shake you up, tear apart your ego and break your heart open stuff. I did become desperate and out of control and it became necessary for me to begin to transform my life. But let me tell you, its scary. Particularly the part where he left. But I AM transforming!
So is there another romantic soulmate out there for me? Gosh, I hope so. But this time, I could do without the crappy part of it.
I do know that I have been blessed with MANY other non-romantic soulmates. People who have walked into my life and created sunshine. I am so very thankful for each of them.
Here’s to the soulmate search! May it ever be ongoing and may you collect many!
Peace & love!