So, you love an addict. You think you can change them. You whole heartedly believe that your “love” will make them want to change.
Let me tell you why ~
1. Their addiction will ALWAYS come first. Whatever they do, including trying to behave for you, revolves around their addition. They will “act” like they’re ok to throw you off about what is really going on. Listen to me – IT IS AN ACT. It is one that they have repeated throughout their lives to get what they want – their fix (alcohol, drugs, etc).
Once again, it is an act. Unless they check themselves into rehab, they’re NOT trying to get better and they don’t want to get better.
2. They will lie, cheat and steal from you EVERY TIME. When you begin to think they’re getting better and let your guard down, they will lie, cheat and steal from YOU – the person who is trying to help them.
I want you to think about that. You are trying to help them and they are bascially flipping you off and laughing at you while they F**K you over.
They know, because you are a good person (which you have repeatedly pointed out to them) that you probably won’t just walk away.
What should you do then?
WALK AWAY…..no better yet, sprint away.
Here is what is going to happen if you don’t:
~ Your friends and family will get sick of it. They’ve tried to tell you whats happening but you continually make EXCUSES for the addict. If you’re lucky, when all is said and done, you’ll still have a few people standing by you. Some aren’t that lucky – the addict tries to drive everyone else in your life away.
Don’t let them.
~ The addict will literally drain you – emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually. You will eventually just be too tired to fight it.
Is that truly how you want to live? Do you want to spend the rest of your life parked in that particular rut?
I don’t – life is too short as it is.
So, what can you do?
First, you have to be done with it. YOU have to be done with it – not your friends or family – YOU.
It’s going to be difficult to end it because you’re going to feel guilty (there’s that damn word again). It’s going to hurt, you’re going to be sad but you have to remove yourself from the addict. Period. You need to save yourself – they’re not going to.
If they decide to go get help, good. Make them prove it – make them show you that they intend to work on it. But don’t let them back into your life until they follow through. They’ll make all kinds of promises (because thats just what they do). Actions speak louder than words.
You also need help. Go see a counselor, talk to your pastor, read a few books. One of my favorites is “Co-dependent No More” (http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1454945465&sr=8-1&keywords=codependent+no+more+by+melody+beattie) – you can get it on audiobook from Audible.